December 21, 2009

Still more things I’d be happier without…

• Novelty Christmas Songs.  Cheech & Chong’s Santa and His Old Lady or 12 Days of Christmas by the McKenzie Brothers, for example, used to be funny.  But after hearing them again and again, year after year, they lose their charm and become downright irritating.

• Men who don’t take off their hats in restaurants. 

• Hearing Gary Glitter’s Rock and Roll Pt II (Do doooo do Hey! Do do do do) at sporting events.  Once I heard about his proclivities, I rejected anything that would earn him royalties.  If I ever have to do a sportscast anywhere, I guarantee you I won’t be using that song as a music bed.

• Birthers.

• People so large that they can’t get around without the aid of a motorized scooter rolling up to an all-you-can-eat buffet.  Or clogging the cookie and candy isle at the grocery store.

• Anyone who mistakes a person’s wealth for a person’s worth.

• Lord of the Rings, Spiderman, and Transformer movies.  Really, any time people stand in line for days for a movie, or worse yet go in costume, you can much count me out.

• Major League Baseball.  They went on strike back in 1994, and when they returned, I didn’t. 

• Televised poker.

• Speakers who mistake the word “literally” for “figuratively.”  If you were laughing so hard you literally peed your pants, shouldn’t you go change instead of telling me about it?

• People who purchase a pet from a store instead of rescuing one from a shelter.

• When the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducts pop acts.  I’m looking in your direction Madonna and ABBA.  While they may be hugely influential, and have sold many, many records, they do not rock, and their inclusion tarnishes the honor previously bestowed on other, more deserving ROCK artists.  If they were to ask me, and I think they should, I would tell them their next class should attempt to make up for past oversights.  Kiss, Rush, Nugent, Cooper, and Maiden should be the next five inductees.  I have spoken!